Why does my washing machine have Bluetooth?
And can I get something done?
I wake up. I’m still in bed.
A dog paddling circles around a pool, occasionally popping up to grab a strawberry and then go back to his joyous whimsy.
An American explaining the recent updates on the clusterfuck that is the Iran War and why it’s really the Epstein class vs everyone else.
I roll over, switching shoulders.
Someone showing off the new 7” singles they got at a vinyl shop.
I go to search up the song on Spotify. Listen to the first 10 seconds, skip to the middle, and add it to a couple playlists.
Handheld footage of someone openly filming a man in line at the supermarket with the caption “Look at dude haircut,” whilst the victim looks on, deer in the headlights.
A recording of security camera footage, a man standing at a bar pisses standing up, all the while pretending to read the menu. Caption: “Brother [crying emoji]”
Think of what to do today.
It’s been over a week. Finish the last three?
Think of starting, later today.
For now I’m in bed.
A quiz about whether I know more about showering or computer science (send to all your comp sci friends!)
What language is Python written in?
Name any liquid hair products…
Simply an orange to yellow gradient with the caption: “Do you have Instagram?”
I roll back over. Really should get up.
A compilation of jumps from cliff faces into water from various heights (1-30m).
A Korean father speaking about his experience with ageing alongside his childhood best friends.
I get up. Head to the bathroom.
The strangest bong in the shape of a huge, round, glass cat.
Genuinely just a video of a man leaning on a flimsy railing, tumbling over and off the balcony in slow motion (all to the tune of some deep fried song), gracefully landing onto a lit barbeque, with the caption: “I told Taio it wasn’t steady.”
Right that’s enough.
I get up, wash my hands.
This stuff can’t be real. It’s gotta mostly be AI, right? There’s a lot of dumb people out there though.
A video of congress saying that insider trader is A-OK for staff because how can any congressman live off $174,000 a year?
Speaking of dumb people.
No, let’s get off this shit.
Return to desk, get changed, sit down and open YouTube.
Videos titled “Trump is finished…” with thumbnails screaming “IT’S OVER!”
Or “Did you know Kane Parson’s is 20 years old? Hollywood is scared…”
And then there’s this. Still nothing productive. Still nothing created or imagined. Just watched, consumed. Not even to be remembered just 30 seconds later. Images and sounds heard but not processed in any meaningful way. Always something new, something more.
Before I realise it, I’m instinctively opening Instagram again, a habitual flick of a finger.
A ball and chain you can fit in your pocket, dictating your ability to exist effectively everyday on the basis of how much charge it has, or if it’s finally decided to just give up on you after three years of tender love and care.
But can someone explain to me why I need it to do my washing? Why does my washing machine have Bluetooth? Why can I connect to it and why the fuck do I need an account (which I have to log in to with an email and password) in order for me to wash my clothes?
A Bernese Mountain Dog happily towering over their owner and what a cute and sweet boy he is. Wow, isn’t he amazing.